( Tweets for Today )

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Did you know that:

• The top of you mouth melts right into your nose
• Necks are more like popsicle sticks
• Fingers and toes melt together
• Hair really IS transparent!
• Winged wolves have a second pair of wings on their asses (it's tucked in obvs.) and legs should always be like an M. C. Escher picture.
• Arms are never proportional to the body
• One horn should always point off in a random direction
• Faces should... *stares in horror*

Let's hope we can all be this talented!

lol the nipples(NSFW-ish)

Also that is one of the most detached-looking couple drawings I've seen in a while.

Before I quit my job at an erotic boutique specializing in dildos, vibrators, porn and lingerie, I had a wtf encounter at the bus stop.

I was heading home after my shift ( I worked 10-4:30pm). I have to wait for the girl coming on to count the till before I can go and I was rushing b/c I wanted to catch the 4:30 bus so I didn't have to wait until 5.

As soon as she's done counting, I rush out the door and head towards the bus stop. I'm at the bus stop less than 5 mins before a short, stocky indian guy approaches.

He stands there a moment or two and I can tell from his body language that he's getting ready to ask me something. The conversation goes down like this:

Short Indian Guy (SIG) and Me

SIG:"This bus goes to the subway station, right?"
Me:"Yes."
SIG"So..you shop there often? The adult shop?"
Me:"No. I work there actually."
SIG:"Oooh! So you know the other girl that works there."*chuckles to self*
"It's expensive in there."
Me:"Not really."
SIG:"So, what do you do in your spare time?"
Me:"Stuff."
SIG:"You ever use any of the stuff from that store?"
Me:"No."
*Bus shows up and gets close*
SIG:"So...you want to be friends?"
Me:*raises eyebrows* "Noooo....." *Turns back on him and waits for bus to pull up*

He doesn't even get on the bus!! He just walks away.
I think he followed me out of the shop to the bus stop but I was in such a hurry to catch the bus, I didn't notice..

Apparently he's a "regular".
LOL!

My current job is as a sailor on a historic tall ship, currently on tour. We're open for tours most days, and we post our hours at the top of every dock we stay at.

Clearly posted hours. You walked right past them. I assume you can read, since you said you heard about use from the newspaper, which also had our hours.

So why are you screaming for us to come answer your questions at ONE IN THE MORNING!? We live on this boat, we work ten hours a day in the middle of winter, we get one day off a month, we are allowed our downtime! Stfu and go away before I wake up our gunner.

Damned it you do, damned if you don't. I work in a textbook call center for about 10 zillion different schools and I hate working Sunday Night/Monday morning. People are cranky after weekends are over.

Tonight at work, I get a call from a student X University that everyone in my office hates(not actually sure they're accredited and the people who go there are REALLY high and mighty) who needs her Financial Aid Voucher ID number. We don't give that out for security purposes. For all we know, you're not really the student, and I could give this to a complete stranger who will now steal a couple hundred dollars from the school. The school is the one who is supposed to give it to the students.

I tell this to the student, and she says the school told her to come to us. I explained why we don't give that information out, but she wouldn't have any of it. She was getting very short with me, and I finally ask my supervisor what I should do. Supervisor tells me to verify the student ID and the email address, and if it's all correct, give it to her. I do so, and the customer starts egging me on ("Now was that SO hard?!"). I think she honestly wanted a fight or something. I figured we were done and asked if there was anything else I could do for her and she called me a C*nt.

I follow our policy, I explain said policy to the customer, trying to be patient, and she resorts to namecalling? WTF?!

Lady, I understand you're trying to do something nice for a homeless guy you see all the time, but please stop talking long enough to let me help you!

( Read more... )

Takes place at the grocery store of doom in NW Indiana, where it's a blank and Van blank thing.

This happened with one of the FIRST orders I rang up today, and you'd think it was enough to put me in a rotten mood for the rest of the day, but luckily it didn't. The customer in question was a woman shopping with her husband. They buy three loaves of freshly baked Italian bread from the bakery that ring up $1.99 each.

Woman: Uh, isn't that bread supposed to be $1.29? There was a sign back there that says it's $1.29.

I tell the customer I'd have to call the bakery department to make sure. I page bakery explain to the bakery manager that the whole Italian bread is ringing up $1.99, but the customer swears she saw a sign that said $1.29 instead. Bakery manager tells me the whole Italian loaves are indeed $1.99 and that only the sliced loaves of Vienna bread are advertised this week as $1.29, and it's in the sales paper. I pull out the sales paper to check on this, and what do you know? My bakery manager is right.

So I have the unpleasant job of explaining this to the lady customer.

Me: Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you bought the unsliced loaves of regular Italian bread. Only the sliced loaves of Vienna bread are $1.29 this week, and the regular Italian bread is $1.99.
Woman: ...But this is Vienna bread!
Me: No, I'm sorry, this is unsliced Italian bread. This isn't the same thing.
Woman: But the sign back there under this stuff says it's $1.29.
Me: But this isn't the bread that's on sale, ma'am. The sales paper has the sliced Vienna bread on sale for $1.29.
Woman: (gets up in my face) I DON'T THINK YOU COMPREHEND WHAT I AM SAYING. The sign back there says this is a dollar and twenty nine cents. I will go get the sign and show you it.

First of all.....I swear to God, the way the woman got in my face and said this was enough to make me want to slap her, it was that uncalled for. Act like I'm stupid or something, UGH. Even her husband looked annoyed with her. Second of all, I HATE when customers think they can go back there and grab the sale sign or show where they found it like they're always right and I can take their word for it. NOPE, SORRY! But I kind of gritted my teeth and paged the CSM over for help.

Customer: *huffs and puffs* If it's going to be this much trouble, I don't WANT the damn bread.

My CSM comes over, I explain the situation to her, and I ask her if she can approve an override for $1.29 for this customer. CSM says that's okay and helps me with that. Problem is, there's a new way we have to do this for bakery stuff because it doesn't override correctly when you do the normal way. Meanwhile, the woman is getting all huffy and puffy about my CSM having to come over and help me with the override, and actually walks away from the register to go to her car, telling her husband, "This is too much hassle over bread, you can deal with it."

She got her precious bread that she argued the price over at the price she wanted, and she still had to be a bitch about it. I could've been mean and really stuck to my guns about it and not have gotten my CSM's approval for the price override, but I got the override anyway because I wanted to please the customer. And she still have to be a bitch about it. WTF, man?! Can't you just be happy with what you're getting? What the hell is wrong with people?

This happened a few weeks ago, so apologies if Im a bit iffy on the details.

( Angry old women )

Basically, these two women came into work (I work in a big supermarket chain), and I was on one of the long registers (the ones people with trolleys go to, not an express). So these two ladies put their basket full of stuff on the belt, without emptying it. We ask customers to empty their own baskets, as its a huge pain in the arse for us to do it, it can cause wrist problems and crap, and it takes a lot of time, which holds everyone else up.
Bold is dialogue.
Me - me
L1 - cranky bitch no. 1
L2 - cranky bitch no. 2

Me - Hi how are you? Would you mind emptying your basket for me please?
*two ladies stare at each other, open their mouths, then look at me*
L1 - Why?
me - It just makes it easier for me to scan everything, and makes it quicker for other customers
L2 - What did she say?
L1 - She said it makes it "easier" for her!
L2 - Oh yes! Because her job is soooo hard! How rude! When I worked at (insert store name) we would NEVER say that to a CUSTOMER!
Me - Well, it can also cause injuries like RSI, if we have to do it for every customer
L2 - What did she say?
*Me, starting to think L2 is deaf AND mean*
L1 - She said it can cause "injuries"

So she emptied the basket *very* slowly, and I ended up emptying most of it while they were bitching anyway, but she leaves the basket on the conveyor belt, while the lady behind wants to put her stuff on.

Me - Could you just put your basket on the floor over there for me?
L1 - *gapes* PLEASE!!! *scoffs* How rude
*L1 and L2 scoff and mumble to each other*
*L2 hands me her Visa card, which is the same colour as our loyalty card thingies*

Me - That's (this much) do you have a loyalty card?
*L1 and L2 simultaneously stare at me*

L1 - Oh! I gave her my Visa card! Shes gone and put it on my credit card! I didnt want her to do that!

Actually, I hadnt done anything, because I was waiting for them to say yes or no to the loyalty card. L2 snatches card off me, hands me loyalty card and cash. I ring it up, give her the change.

Me - Have a nice day
L2 - *scoffs* *mimics* Have a nice day!
L1 - We're never coming back HERE again!!!




Umm... okay then... All I did was ask you to empty your basket. Youre like, 50, surely throughout your life youve learned some manners, every staff member in our shop will ask you to empty your basket... The worst thing is, the angrier they got, the more polite I tried to be, and they got ruder. Also, just because you're deaf, doesnt mean Im not, I can hear you bitch about me...

Darth Mary-Sue
Likes: evil jokes, alchogol
Dislikes: listening explinations

Friends:
Gay Pirate, desu~!
likes: to fight, make merry, rum, sabre, gerlie boys
dislikes: homophobes, naive people

Personal phrase: «My hat is awesomeness, than YOU!»

Apparently there is a contest to draw these two.

Another story from the toy store. Today we had what I can only describe as a form of a scammer.

( One per household means one per household )

Today I was reading an excellent biography of Gram Parsons, a musician I absolutely adore, and while reading about his teenage years I came across the name Jim Stafford, a young musician Gram was friends with - they even had a band together. I figured it had to be the same Stafford in Riding With Death, and sure enough it is him! I always loved that dumb cracker, and now I love him even more now that I know he had this connection with Gram! YAAAAHOOO!

Crow: Story consultant?!
Servo: Yes, I advise you to hire the most annoying cracker you can find and then slam together two incomprehensible plotlines.

I work at a movietheatre.

( in letter form )

Crappy photos of teens smoking hookahs.

Seriously they're everywhere.


...Why though?

I bartend at TGIF. I haven't had any customers to complain about in what feels like 6 months, and I was starting to wonder if I was insanely lucky, or just jaded as to what normal behavior is. Apparently, I've been lucky.

( Cut for your viewing pleasure )

tl;dr Guy pulls the "I gave you a $20" scam, calls me a lying bitch. Woman "hates blue".